| The afternoon is warm and sunny, though the chilly breeze in the air is a constant reminder of summer coming to an end. It does nothing to dampen my high spirits, however, since the weather is still nice enough for my purposes. The last time Andrew and I met was absolutely wonderful, and today will be even better. I'll tell him I love him, and then I'll ask him to make love to me. It's going to be the best day of my life! |
| I made sure to look as pretty as possible. A beautiful red flower adorns my shining hair, matching the color of the dress I pretended to have bought for the harvest celebration. It's longer than my blue summer dress, with slashes in the sides of the skirt. I'm carrying my bag containing the big blanket along with a bit of food and drink. Now all I need is my beau. |
| Giddy with excitement, I walk down the last stretch of the forest trail before the clearing. Andrew is already there, and he comes towards me as soon as he sees me. I think it a little odd he has nothing with him at all, not even something to eat as he's supposed to. "Hello, Jenny," he says in a strangely reserved tone when we meet. |
| "Hi, Andrew," I say with a big smile. Embracing him, I kiss him on the lips, but his response is less than enthusiastic. Taken aback, I stop at once. "Anything wrong?" |
| He disengages from me and puts his hand behind his neck. "Well," he says slowly, "there's something I need to tell you." |
| "What's the matter?" I ask with a sinking feeling. |
| He avoids my gaze. "You know that Becca and I are friends of course." |
| "Of course," I echo uneasily. |
| "Since she started working as our apprentice, it has been obvious we make a really good team. We have also been getting along very well from the moment we met." He takes a deep breath and looks straight at me. "We have become more than friends." |
| My chest feels constricted, and I have trouble breathing. "But I thought you liked me." |
| "I did. I still do. We certainly had a lot of fun together." He pauses a moment. "It's just... different with her." |
| "Different?" Tears well up in my eyes. |
| "You talk about dragons and wanting to become a ranger. One moment we're practicing with wooden swords, the next you're kissing me." He shrugs. "I'm not sure what you actually want." |
| I frown, and a single tear runs down my cheek. "You could have asked me." |
| "Would you have been content living together with a baker?" he asks skeptically. "Because I can't see myself as anything else." |
| "Why not?" I reply rather harshly. "I care about you, not your profession." |
| "That's sweet of you to say, but I believe Becca and I have a future together. I'm sorry." He lowers his eyes. |
| I can't help but ask, "Did you… have you two… loved each other?" His hesitation tells me all I need to know, and I abruptly turn about to leave, trying to blink away the tears. |
| "Jenny, please wait." He touches me lightly on the shoulder. |
| Suddenly angry, I face him. "For what?" I scream, tears flowing freely. Andrew shrinks back, looking guilty. I can't bear it any longer and turn around again. |
| "We can still be friends," he says as I hurry down the path away from him. |
| Not hiding the bitterness in my voice, I stop momentarily to say, "But not right now." Out of breath earlier than I'm used to, I glance back. The clearing is no longer in sight, and he didn't follow me. Unusually weak, I lean against the nearest tree, resting my cheek against the bark, and close my eyes. |
| When the full realization of Andrew no longer being my boyfriend hits me, I sink down to my knees and sob uncontrollably. It takes a while until I calm down, and a little longer still for my tears to stop falling. Sniffling, I stare blankly at the earth for a bit, then get back to my feet, physically and emotionally drained. Dejected, I continue on my way home, trying not to think about what happened. |
| I manage to cover about half the distance before it dawns on me that it was my own fault. Asking Andrew to get the training swords sent him right into her arms! Riled up, I rip the flower out of my hair, the sharp sting of a few strands being torn out with it fueling my anger, and throw it to the ground. In a fit of rage, I stomp it with my foot until grief overwhelms me again, and I burst into tears. Sitting down, I stare at the once beautiful flower. Ruined now, just like my love. |
| When my tears have run dry, I gather the remains of the flower and go a few steps into the forest. I use a fallen branch to dig a small hole in the ground. With a pang of sorrow, I carefully place the broken flower into it and cover it with earth. Crestfallen, I return to the path and resume walking at a sluggish pace. |
| Despite the knot in my stomach, I decide to eat in the hopes of regaining a little strength. Without pausing, I listlessly chew the bland-tasting sandwich. At least the lemonade is refreshing, and I drink half the canteen in one go. I do feel a little better afterward, though my progress is still much slower than usual. |
| When I finally reach the edge of the forest, I'm so exhausted I want nothing more than to lie in bed and forget everything. I follow the river until the house comes into view and head towards it, hoping I won't run into any members of my family. |
| In a sudden burst of energy, I scurry to the back of the building. Heart racing, I peek around the corner. No one is in sight, so I move to the other end while keeping close to the wall, ducking under the windows on the way. I squat at the corner and take a look at the entrance. No one there either. I sneak to the trunk beside the door and quickly take off my sandals. With as little noise as possible, I put them into it. |
| Just as I'm about to enter, I suddenly hear voices from inside. It sounds like my sister and someone else. I wait until I'm reasonable sure they're gone. Swiftly, I open the front door and close it behind me. It didn't creak as much as I feared it would. I tiptoe to the stairs, but the door to the sitting room opens as I pass it, and I freeze. |
| "Hey, Jenny. I thought I had heard something. I didn't think you'd be home so soon though," Maisie says with a pleasant smile. While I stare at her face, all the emotions from earlier come rushing back. Her expression becomes serious. "What's wrong, Sis?" |
| I turn away from her and continue to the stairs, tearing up. "Nothing, I'm just tired," I say unconvincingly. |
| "Tell me what happened," she says, following me. I hurry upstairs and into our room. Not bothering to close the door, I let my bag fall to the ground and lie down on my bed. Overcome by anguish, I start to sob and bury my face in my pillow. I hear Maisie enter and soon feel her weight on the mattress when she sits down at the edge of the bed. She gently strokes my hair. "He left you, didn't he?" |
| I utter an unhappy sound. It takes a while until I cease weeping. Sniffling, I shift and turn my head, resting my cheek on the tear-stained pillow. Maisie fetches a cloth for me, and I wipe my nose with it. "Thanks." |
| "You're welcome." She examines the area of my hair where the flower was. "So why did he break up with you?" |
| "He fell in love with their new apprentice," I mutter. |
| "I know it won't make you feel better, but it happens to all of us. Well, I guess there are a lucky few." She untangles the hairclip and puts it on my nightstand. "You'll get over it." |
| "You're right, it didn't make me feel better." Annoyed, I change my position so I lie on my side, facing her. "We didn't even have a tumble. He was supposed to be my first, but now it's all messed up." |
| "I'm certain you won't have any problems finding someone else." In a comically suggestive way, she continues, "Too bad that handsome farmhand only stayed through the end of the harvest, eh?" |
| "I don't care," I pout, "I wanted my first love to make a woman out of me. At least Vance didn't leave you with your maidenhead intact." |
| She throws her hands into the air. "Yes, as awkward as that was. Why do you keep reminding me of it?" |
| "I'm not sure it was really as awful as you make it sound," I say stubbornly. |
| "Trust me, it was bad," she replies emphatically. "You, however, can still have a wonderful first time." |
| "But not with my first love," I grumble. |
| She sighs. "You're hopeless. Well, I'm going to tell Mom what happened, she's probably been wondering what's going on. I'll let her know you're resting." |
| "All right," I say quietly. "Thanks." |
| Maisie leaves and closes the door. Feebly, I get up and take off my dress. When I put it over my chest, I notice the skirt is rather dirty in places. Indifferent, I remove my panties and drop them on top of it. After closing the window shutters, I curl up in bed. |
| Eyes closed, I try not to think about Andrew, with little success. I assumed we'd be together for a good while, then either stay together or go our separate ways. Such a sudden ending never even crossed my mind. It changed everything, and I feel strangely uprooted. |
| Before the sadness gets too much once more, I try to focus on happier thoughts, but that's rather difficult because I was happiest in Andrew's company. Even contemplating whether or not to chase my dream of becoming a ranger reminds me of him because of the sword fighting practice we did. It makes me cry again after all, but in a softer manner than before. |
| When my tears stop flowing, I reminisce about my first visit to the fair where I got lost and encountered Zahia. She looked so beautiful and mysterious, her fighting style both elegant and effective. The longer I dwell on it, the more I want to be a ranger like her. Yes, once I feel better, I'll get my family used to the idea, and next spring I'll set out to join the rangers. |
